


Enamoured

by 11dishwashers



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 03:26:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9216512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11dishwashers/pseuds/11dishwashers
Summary: Mark makes a new friend at the culture club and everything changes.





	

it was known as the culture club. we sat about in the music room long after school, doing nothing but talk. occasionally the school organised things, but, of course, it was rare. a guest speaker medic from africa- that was one of them. chamison lessons. attendance was low. it was set up for no noticeable reason, if i'm honest. i'm just here for extra credit, among other things.  
  
it was the thursday. everyone agreed we had the worst classes on thursdays, so thanks be to god that the culture club finally had an event organised for us.   
  
we got the bus to meet up with the other school to have a sort of retreat day. no one sat next to me on the coach which was fine, i pulled out a dog-eared copy of steven king's the dome. god only knows how many times of read it, but what can i say, i love scifi.  
  
i smile as we pull up in front of the school, suddenly feeling excited. i love meeting new people and as this school was on the other side of the city it was rather uncharted territory, what an oppurtunity! i sling my bag onto my back and follow the other members outside. i even put my perscription glasses away- first impressions are everything and i feel rather bug eyed with them on.  
  
our teacher led us through the empty halls(class was on) to a classroom highlighted with a whole bunch of flags of all colours plastered over the door, and a sign which read 'culture club', very fancy compared to our school where there was no space for the heaps of forgotten clubs(most noteworthy, the recently disbanded literature club). i felt kind of nervous because i heard people behind the door. the teacher invited us in and their club was quite small too. the teacher paired us up, and i was put with a boy with wavy brown hair and tan skin. he smiled at me an gave me a thumbs up, gesturing me over. i felt much too shy for such a small thing but i went over anyway.  
  
"whats your name?" he asks me, pulling out a chair next to him for me. i nod and take a seat, almost melting into the floor like a ball of nerves.  
"minhyung, but you can call me mark," i say, busying myself with taking my copy out.  
"i'm donghyuck, call me haechan," he pulls out a copy too and we accidently lock eyes. he smiles and looks away, one of those secret smiles where you purse your lips like youre going to burst. why is he so nervous? i think, even though im the same. i want to be friends.  
"what age are you?" he asks.  
"16. you?"  
"15."  
and the rest of the day is smooth sailing. our teacher tells us to go back to the coach to go home. as i'm walking out the door, he catches my wrist.  
"mark," he says, and i get it. we got along really well- i learned he loves scifi too, and we even have the same music taste. i never thought i'd meet as big a fan of taeyong lee as me, and i was right, but haechan's pretty close.  
 he hands me his phone, mouth wide, before mumbling "dont let me be misunderstood." i dont know what he means but i grin to myself as i type my number in.   
"call me?" i offer, and he nods, and thats when i take my leave.  
i'm glad to have made a new friend, especially one as nice as haechan.  
  
  
haechan and i have been talking a lot lately. its nice, is all. we sat on the decking of my backgarden with cans of cherry coke and talked about video games.  
  
  
  
he invites me to the movies and i say yes, and he gets very excited. its nice to see him happy like that. we bump into a boy with dark brown hair and a gap tooth. he has an accent when he talks, and apparently he knew haechan. i have to admit the atmoshpere was pretty prickly between them, and as the boy walked away, haechan wasnt even anrgy. i just seemed very, very sad. well,i think hes too nice for this world. i think he belongs somewhere far better. but for now, i'll try and keep him happy.  
  
he kicks a bottle down the curb as the lights of the cinema come into sight.  
"did you see taeyongs new music video?" i ask. it was released yesterday and ive been anticipating it for ages now, scrolling through his fan forums and the message boards, hunting for any new info or even a leak.it did not disappoint, the rapping was AMAZING.

"yes oh my god! he looked so good in it!" haechan says ethusiastically. i think back.  
"yeah, his outfits pretty cool," i reply.  
"thats not what i meant..."  
"what did you mean?" i ask, confused.  
"nevermind. look, theres the cinema," he points at it as we round the corner, sounding entirely too disappointed.  
  
  
the movie was alright, mostly a piss up, we just laughed and threw popcorn at the screen. i like how haechan's nose scrunches up when he laughs, and how his eyes crinkle. i like his voice, too. for the thousandth time, i feel lucky to have someone like him as a friend.  
  
we wandered back to my house, i wanted to invite him in but my mam told me the house was too messy which was a lie. i apologised and told him i'd call him.  
"its funny how youre younger than me but you walked me home," i tease. he laughs and for a second i think hes blushing, but i think its just the red porch lights.   
"anytime, mark," he says, pulling me into a hug that leaves me light headed for the next ten minutes.  
"call me," i mumble into his shoulder. he feels warm against me, too warm probably, i feel my stomach do weird flips.  
"you already said that," he pulls away with a grin.  
"because i mean it."  
  
  
my mam confiscates my phone when i walk inside, no explanation other than  a muttered word i wont repeat. shes wrong, im sure of it.  
  
  
  
"sorry i couldnt call you until now," hushed voice, landline, crouched in the laundry room.  
"ahaha its fine," i hear the tinny voice reply and i feel reassured.  
"my mam took my phone," i whisper and i can almost hear him frown.  
"why?"  
i think back to what she said.  
"i didnt do my chores," i lie.  
  
  
  
i can pinpoint the exact moment my phone buzzed after school, i was waiting at the bus stop listening to a leaked taeyong song. it was such a good song- he even got woojae to do the vocals on it. besides haechan, woojaes definitely my favourite singer.  
anyway, my phone buzzed and i immediately unlocked it, lighting up as i saw haechan's name.  
'hey want to come to my scifi club at 11 on sunday?'  
i sigh and type back 'cant, i have mass :('  
'you go to mass?'  
'yeah, shouldnt you be going too?'  
'not my thing'  
i frown, because everyone should be going regardless. im sure i could convice haechan to go sometime.  
  
  
well, he seems a bit quiet after that. he calls me sunday afternoon though, just as i'm getting changed out of my church clothes. he tells me excitedly about the new book his scifi club are reading this month and i crack a smile, i really cant resist it when hes happy about something. we meet up at 6 to get takeaway.  
"sorry about earlier, i really did want to go ," i say, taking my gloves off and putting them on the table. its positively freezing, im surprised i cant see my breath indoors. he nods in understanding.  
"its fine, my dad used to make us go to church too."  
make him? whats that supposed to mean?  
"its not like that," i frown "even though my mam wants me to go, i really do like it."  
for a second, he cant manage to look disinterested- instead he looks offguarded, like a deer caughtin the headlights before his face relaxes. i inwardly wonder what other things he covers up, but we're best friends. we share everything with eachother.  
"oh," he says.  " thats cool too."  
  
  
  
my phone is confiscated again, another muttering of that awful word. thankfully, we manage to meet up after school. we go to the lake at the park, he has a plastic bag with him with two cans of lemonade and a box of homemade christmas cookies he apparently baked himself. theyre dotted with those fake silver sugar beads.  
"when i first found out you could eat these, it was the best day of my life," i comment, eating another silver bead. he laughs brilliantly and my brain completely stops working.  
"you have such a nice laugh," i say "i'm so glad we're friends."  
i get the feeling hes not used to compliments because he looks at the ground, another secret smile.  
"well mark, i'll have it known that you have a lovely laugh too," he responds and i choke on the cookie in my mouth.  
  
  
on friday i ask him to come to my church's youth group, and after some persuading, he agrees. he seems a bit nervous as we sit around in a circle.  
"its ok, theyre all really nice," i whisper. he nods but i hear him gulp.  
"dont think im scared. im never scared."  
we talk about how marraige is a special bond between a man and a woman. i nod along to what my pastor has to say until it ends. i turn to haechan, who hurries up.  
"i have to go," he says, rushing out the door so i cant even ask why.  
  
  
  
  
we dont talk for the rest of the week. well, we talk, just not properly. friday rolls around and i ask him to youth group again, and he says he has to go to his grandmothers sorry:(  
but when i walk to the church, i see him in a cafeitting across from a girl with long pink hair. i feel a stab of betrayal, and jealousy too. because hes my best friend, why wont he hang out with me?   
  
  
  
finally, we talk again and he seems ok. we arrange to go to the cinema again and as i leave the house, my mam asks where im going and i feel compelled to lie.  
"to jeno's," i call.   
"not that new 'friend'(she spits this word) of yours?"  
"no, not him."  
"good. you shouldnt talk to boys like that."  
boys like what? i want to ask, but i cant find the courage. instead, i shuffle quietly out the door.  
  
  
  
"i saw you with a girl on friday," i admit.  
"why didnt you tell me you had a girlfriend?"  
"oh no, its not like that," he replies quickly.   
"just friends."  
"really? dont you think shes pretty?" i ask.  
"she could be," he says, then the conversation is dropped.  
  
  
  
he rests his head on my shoulder in the cinema. it feels like it belongs there but i cant find the words to say it.  
  
  
  
  
the boy with the dark brown hair and gap tooth, the same boy stands in front of us in the line at macdonalds. haechan freezes up when he notices. the boys standing next to a short boy with sandy blonde hair and a matching accent. theyre speaking chinese,i think, and the first boy notices haechan. they argue for a bit over things i havent a clue about before the boy turns around and pulls his friend closer, whispering something in chinese that the blond one laughs at.   
  
"who was he?" i ask as we carry our trays over to a window booth.  
"oh, thats renjun, dont worry about him," haechan sighs, looking sad again. i feel nothing but anger towards this boy, and nothing but curiosity as to what he couldve done to haechan.  
"dont let him bother you," i say, decidedly.  
"i try not to."  
  
  
  
later i found myself still angry at this renjun boy, so i took my frustrations out by trying to find his facebook page. eventually i find him, 'huang renjun'. judging by the names peole call him on his wall, hes one of those boys my mam tells me not to go near.   
  
  
  
we meet up again, our two schools, for culture club. on the door of their club room i notice a bright new flag.  
"do you like it?" haechan asks, happy that i noticed it. i eye the rainbow stripes and swallow a lump in my throat. i cant bring myself to tell the truth.  
"its nice," i say, offhandedly. he grins.  
"i got it myself," he says proudly.  
i hear some of my classmates whisper to eachother, that word my mam said, the disgusting one. haechan definitely  noticed, judging by how he hesitates as he walks into the room.  
"its really cool," i repeat. "i really like it."  
we sit at the opposite end of the room to my classmates. i hear one say "its funny how churchboy over there is hanging around with a (disgusting word) like that."  
i purse my lips.  
"dont mind them," i say. "they believe any rumour they hear."   
"its alright, im used to it."  
his tired face says it all.  
  
  
  
  
we go to the sushi place down by the river after culture club. haechan insists on giving me some of his vegetable tempura.

  
"i swear," he says, wagging his chopsticks. "that tempura is like, the best food ever. guaranteed or your money back."  
"hmm, i have to agree, its pretty good," i take another bite.   
we drift to quietness.  
"tell me a secret," i say on impulse. he hums in thought.  
"well, its not really a secret-"  
"tell me anyway."  
he breathes.  
"okay, you know that boy renjun?"  
i nod for him to continue. how could i forget him after he made haechan so upset?  
"well," he hesitates.   
"spit it out already," i down the rest of my green tea.  
"i used to date him."

  
i cough green tea onto the table, swabbing it up with a tissue as i try to recompose myself. what do you say to that? his eyes widen.  
"are you okay?" he asks, concerned, putting a hand on my shoulder. i slap it away and he jolts, looking extremely hurt.  
"d-dont you think thats wrong?" i reply.  
"how is it?"  
"well, hes a boy..."  
"...and?"  
"and youre a boy too. youre both boys. its wrong," i conclude. he looks like he could cry, and suddenly i feel so guilty. haechan likes boys.  
haechan kisses boys.  
i dont know how to feel.

  
"its not wrong, i thought maybe youd understand that i cant help it," haechan says quietly.

  
"haechan, i want to help you. we can get through this, you're probably just confused or something," i say, and as soon as the words leave my mouth i know its not true.

  
"mark, listen! its not an illness or something, i cant just cure it! whether you or i or anyone likes it or not its here to stay. im so disappointed in you, mark. how could you?"

  
i cant even think of anything to say because-  
hes wrong, he shouldnt kiss boys. ive seen what they do to gay people and its too much of a risk. i dont want to let him face that. if i could, i wouldnt have him ever hear that disgusting word again, but peple can be cruel.  
help. thats all he needs, and im here.

  
"haechan, i think you should just-"  
"just what? go to a fucking gay conversion camp?" he spits, standing up and putting his coat on.   
"haechan, please!" i say but its too late. he turns on his heel,throwing a fiver onto the table.  
"mark, youre the one who needs to think things over," he pauses before the door. out of the corner i can see renjun and the other boy listening intently. i sigh, and haechan doesnt even sound as angry anymore, even now? he cant get angry, and neither can i. instead i try to miss the cracks in his voice as he roughly mutters a goodbye.

  
"call me," i dont say. i dont say anything at all. instead i sigh and pay the bill, feeling my lungs bursting with regret.   
  
  
  
its a vague understanding. no unnesecary contact. my mam no longer takes away my phone. in fact, as i stop talking to haechan more and more, she smirks because she got her way.  
  
  
  
tonight, i bring in the washing from the line. its early-dark but still dark enough that i have to wave my hands to set the automatic back garden lights off every three towels or so. i throw the pegs out onto the grass and think about the time haechan and i drank cherry coke here as we talked about video games. back then, he liked boys too. back then when it was november frost and we were new friends, back then when he teased me about my glasses and i punched him in the arm, and when he sang under his breath as he walked next to me, and when he got really annoyed after he lost a bet, and when we wouldnt shut up about taeyong's new songs, and he talked excitedly about star trek over the phone. hes still the same. i can imagine him calling that pink haired girl every night instead. i can imagine it but i dont- instead i haul the basket in and try to wash the taste of jealousy out of my mouth with toothpaste and it doesnt work.   
i see his contact on my phone and i think, what happened? the call log says only 4 days since we stopped talking, but my heart says way longer.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i will probably reupload this but more polished... just needed to have this posted,, its a personal fav of mine- i wrote it on a flight to berlin on my phone so  
> (big thanks to mia for supporting me while i wrote this!! ) tbis was so draining to write tbh
> 
> i rly appreciate critisism!! ♡♡♡


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